Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
