just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
how drunk are you?
Several
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
