either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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