I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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