yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
