He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
