So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
