Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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