There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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