woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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