So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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