Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
