The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
