I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
