phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
