Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
