Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
