This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Drake has all the answers
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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