You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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