I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
