woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
