She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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