Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
