A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Still dying that you shit outside
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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