yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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