Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
