the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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