ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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