i don't like sucking hair
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
