the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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