Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
