I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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