sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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