im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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