maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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