Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
thus making me awesome and them whores
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
