I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
