Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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