I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So much rum. So many feels.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
