yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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