Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
