so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
don't judge my taste in strippers
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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