i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
