me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
They took my balls.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
