The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
