Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
