Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
