Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
