thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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