Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
