Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I would ride that face into the sunset
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
